When ITV resurrected Superstar Large Brother in 2024, after this ailing format had languished in TV purgatory for greater than half a decade, it appeared to vow a vivid new period for a present that has at all times suffered from a little bit of a picture drawback. Sure, it lacked the sequins and sob tales of Strictly. And it couldn’t lay declare to the excessive stakes and hardships of I’m a Superstar. However there can be devious twists! A good price range! And, as a consequence, correct celebrities! It’d have the camp issue of the earlier seasons that aired on Channels 4 and 5, however with ITV’s monetary heft behind it, to blow away the faint musty scent of desperation that had at all times clung to CBB.
What they gave us, although, was fairly underwhelming. Final yr’s season amounted to numerous hours of X Issue grotesque twosome Louis Walsh and Sharon Osbourne being snide, Ekin-Su from Love Island refusing to speak about Love Island, and Kate Middleton’s uncle Gary getting voted off on the first doable alternative, after making probably the most cursory jibes at Meghan Markle. It didn’t precisely really feel like important viewing. In reality, it says quite a bit that probably the most thrilling half was watching social media clips posted by Walsh’s one-time X Issue protégés Jedward, through which they – joined, for some motive, by TOWIE’s Gemma Collins, a splendidly memeable CBB contestant herself, again within the Channel 5 days – watched and criticised their former mentor.
Absolutely it gained’t take a lot for this new season to surpass these not-so dizzy heights, then? You’d suppose so, however the 2025 launch doesn’t precisely lay the foundations for greatness. The Large Brother set has been given a daring paint job, coated in summary blobs and drips, however it could’t cover the truth that the brand new contestants really feel decidedly beige. When Chesney “The One and Solely” Hawkes meets chat present host Tricia Goddard, they begin up a dialog about attending the identical major faculty. Chris Hughes, previously of Love Island, spends most of his introductory chat with hosts AJ Odudu and Will Finest speaking about how a lot he wants the toilet. Former Tory MP Michael Fabricant’s luxuriant hair is extra of a brassy yellow than a beige, however his excessive fashion begins to put on skinny nearly instantly (and what’s it with ITV and placing Tories on actuality TV exhibits?).
As ever, there are duties to finish, designed to make the doer look as silly as doable upon assembly their new housemates. These miniature challenges, we study, are a part of Large Brother’s “hush hush very secret sport present”, a jarringly twee phrase that turns into increasingly more irritating every time it’s uttered. It’s not precisely an imaginative conceit, and one which appears to have been dreamed up purely in order that Odudu and Finest can periodically shout “factors imply prizes!”, as if momentarily possessed by the spirit of Bruce Forsyth. As ever, Odudu and Finest are a likeable duo, however even the pressure of their mixed enthusiasm can’t make this uninteresting idea remotely fascinating.
Final to enter the home is actor Mickey Rourke, whose CBB arrival has been probably the most heralded (partly as a result of he’s, properly, an Oscar nominee, and due to this fact correctly well-known; partly as a result of he’s reportedly incomes £500,000 for his time on the present). However there’s one thing greater than a bit miserable about the entire charade: the way in which he appears to do not know what the present entails, the leery means he greeted Odudu. The producers most likely employed Rourke as a free cannon, however, judging from the ultimate 10 minutes of launch evening, watching him will most likely be extra uncomfortable than entertaining.
Because the 13 celebrities try a half-hearted conga across the kitchen, attempting to win factors to switch into prizes, the entire endeavour feels significantly bleak. Absolutely nearly everybody concerned is cursing the truth that they didn’t get booked for Superstar Traitors as an alternative. We’re solely two seasons into ITV’s CBB reboot, nevertheless it already seems like time to place it out of its distress.
